Document Type
Student Paper
Publication Date
2025
Recommended Citation
Dwyer, Madeline, "Who's the Man? The Role of Masculinity in Female Queer Relationships" (2025). Colorado Law Student Scholars. 6.
https://scholar.law.colorado.edu/colorado-law-student-scholars/6
COinS
Comments
While no female queer relationship is identical to another, there is a single question that often confronts all of them, regardless of gender expression. A single question by a staring bystander at the store or by a family member at Thanksgiving. A single question that can be so frustrating it lacks an answer: “Who is the man in the relationship?” Despite the explicit lack of a male body, heteronormative and patriarchal expectations of social performance are regularly imposed on female queer relationships. While framed as a question, an underlying assumption about the answer frequently hinges on gender expression – i.e. the “masc” must be the man. This question and assumption oversimplify gender expression and sexuality by failing to recognize the unique nuance that gender expression and sexuality, especially masculinity, plays in female queer relationships. The mere presence of masculinity in female queer relationships does not necessitate the replication of heterosexual norms and roles. Nor is masculinity, as embodied in female queer relationships, the mirror image of hegemonic masculinity. However, that does not absolve female queer masculinity from toxicity that can and does exact cyclical harm on women and femininity.
This paper aims to unpack the work masculinity does in female queer relationships and address how to combat the presence of toxic behaviors within the LGBTQ+ community. In doing so, this paper will start by parsing out the differences between sex, gender, sexual orientation, and sexual preference. An understanding of how these concepts are different will in turn help demonstrate how they work together within a relationship and how female queer relationships
can particularly complicate the distinctions. Next, the paper will evaluate why society feels the need to designate which partner is “the man” in the relationship. This paper will investigate the ways in which female queer masculinity challenges hegemonic masculinity rather than replicating it while still sharing some commonalities. Finally, this paper will explore how female queer masculinity is just as susceptible to the dangers of toxicity and how the LGBTQ+ community should respond to such behaviors.